TODAY I WAS BRAVE

Last night was different. As I lay in bed trying to wrap my head around sleep, I start to perceive your body scent all over my shirt. Now that was impossible as I have been wearing this shirt all day and it never smelled anything like you. It was so strong that I had to go back to all the skin products I used that night just to trace where its coming from so I can somehow convince myself I wasn't crazy. But I just couldn't find it anywhere. It was just on my shirt! And while I was trying to figure why, your message popped up!

This wasn't one of the times when I say 'oh fuck it, not again' because trust me somehow I have almost gotten used to it! I do not know how you do it, what sorcery it is but I know every time I talk about you or think about you, your message pops up and I am not even exaggerating. It happens 80% of the time and it gradually stopped being weird.

So I had to reply your text this time around, 'what's going on? I asker him? And I remember him saying something bout how he thought I blocked him. No what's going on with us I asked again, and then I explained the sorcery I think has been happening and viola you said its been happening with you too!

If there was ever a time I felt our cosmic connection in a long while, now was it. I really wanted to tell you so bad how much my feelings for you are still intact even after everything. I know! My friends would kill me reading this part, but they would not really understand how hard it is to let go of someone Until they have to too! I mean you love who you love and that sucks!

But then I didn't, I never said anything about my feelings, rather I told him the universe has given us several chances to fix it but we ruined it and maybe this is just the universe telling us we were not meant to be! I said that even when I knew it didn't have much to do with what was happening. I just needed to say something else badly.

Somehow deep down I wish you'd truly talk bout how you feel too, tell me how much you miss and still love me but you didn't and I wasn't going to either and maybe that's fine. Maybe you do not feel anyway actually.

Do I need to question the universe again or its just my mind messing with me.

Moving on is hard, trust me, harder than I ever even imagined. There are days you feel like you're fine and almost there and there are days it feels like you've been crawling. So having you popping up every time you cross my heart wouldn't make it easier so I had to tell you to stop.

See I want to have an open mind and be able to meet someone new and connect but I cannot do that if you're right here thinking about me every time you sleep and get up from bed.

So today I asked for boundaries, I asked that you stop not because I really wanted you to but because I really had to. Today I had to put my peace first above some feelings. I haven't cried since our last epic breakup but today I did because I think I was brave. It was brave of me to do that right? And deep down I really hope those boundaries would put an end to the feelings...



                                    Ola®